-on worries of a writer

written by: Sanzida Begum

Here’s the thing about being a writer: I worry… a lot.

I worry about the blank pages that have to be filled and whether the writing that will fill those pages will make sense to my readers. I worry about the words that don’t come and how long it will take for it to arrive. I worry that my pages will be left blank and the words just won’t come.

I worry about where to start and where to end. I worry about the beginning and the end. I worry about whether I have captured my readers attention and whether I have left them wanting more. I worry about which image will capture a wider range of reader. I worry about if I’m being inclusive enough. I worry if I offend anyone. I also worry about the middles. Am I being too simple? Am I being too detailed? Am I being too repetitive? I worry… a lot.

I worry about the once empty pages, now filled with words. I worry about whether or not I will be able to turn this mess into something beautiful. I worry about the words that I have strung together into little families. I worry about what I have to add. I worry about what I have to get rid off. I worry about the editing. I worry that by editing, I will be losing the truest form of my writing. I worry about losing the nourishing form of the original words. I worry about if it will be perfect.

I worry if I’m being too cliche. I worry if my readers will be able to read in between the lines. I worry about whether the deeper meaning of my writing are hidden too deep within the words. I worry if I’m going off on a tangent. I worry if I’m all over the place. I worry if my writing isn’t logical and if it will be too hard to follow. Will the readers understand? Did I write too much with my heart and not enough with my head? Should I write with my head? I worry… a lot.

I worry about the end piece. I worry about the pages I have spent an endless amount of time perfecting. I worry about the words I have lost sleep over. I worry that once I hand it off to the public eye, that it won’t be appreciated. I worry that once I press the button that reads post, it won’t be read. I worry that I won’t be able to impact lives with my writing. I worry that my creations won’t be viewed. I worry that no one will value my work and that must mean I’m not talented, right? I worry that I won’t make it. I worry that my work will be completed, but that it will not matter because it has not touched the lives it was meant to touch.

I worry… a lot. But with these worries, I sit down and create beautiful words.