a thank you note for you.

by: Sanzida Begum

As Thanksgiving gets closer and closer, I want to thank every single person that has entered my life because you have all impacted my life one way or another. Whether you have hurt me, left me behind, were left behind or are still here today by my side, you all have left footprints in my life.

To my middle school friends who left, thank you for holding me up just when I was beginning to learn what was expected of me as a Bengali girl. The first middle school I went to I was a confident little girl with a bright perspective of the world but right as six grade was ending things took a turn for me. When my innocence was taken advantage of, the loud, cheerful girl I used to be was gone and replaced with a girl who faked her confidence and had to keep a painful secret. So thank you to my middle school friends, the ones from seventh and eighth grade. Thank you for making me laugh and smile, and briefly forget about the summer before. Thank you

for letting me make up lies about why I was so upset and thank you for not being able to detect my lies. Thank you for letting me lie about the incredible things that happened to me so that for just a few hours of the day, I could pretend like everything was fine. Thank you for being in my life for the short while that you were. Even though we may have lost contact, I now two of you tried to hold on but it just wasn’t meant to last and thank you for letting go. Just know I’m happy for all that you are accomplishing and if there’s ever a moment you need a shoulder or an ear, I will be here regardless of the amount of time that has passed since we last talked.

To the middle school friend who stayed, thank you for being here to this day. Thank you for being my best friend and showing me that people do care. I don’t say this enough but thank you, I love you and I’m happy for how your life is going right now. I hope your happiness will continue to hold strong because I never want to see you broken-hearted or filled with sadness. I never want you to feel alone. I know things are a bit shaky right now and things seem like they’re out of reach but you’ll figure it out, you always do. You just have to keep faith and hope that things will turn out just as you want them to. We’ve made it this far in our friendship and I hope we’ll be those best friend that gets to witness each other’s kids growing up and playing together. And I swear, I’ll make it to wedding and yes I’ll be there for the whole time and not leave within 25 minutes because my mom doesn’t know I’m there. But never forget, that I’m here for you. I will drop everything if you need me by your side. Like you told me a few days ago, best friends are there to stand the front lines with you, facing the enemies with spears and swords and shields. I’m here for you always, today, tomorrow and forever.

To the boy who broke my heart just a few years ago and the girl who helped him do so, thank you for showing me that I can be strong and that honestly, boy’s are not worth the pain. Don’t get me wrong, I will never have a place for you in my life again but you taught me to be careful about who I befriend and who I fall for. You two also showed me who my true friends are and who truly cares. Thinking back at it now, I wasn’t in love with you. How could I be in love with someone that I hardly knew, when I barely even know what falling in love meant? You messed with my heart and fed me lies, pretending to care. And when I found out that the girl I thought was honestly my friend, who knew about my feelings, went ahead and claimed that I hurt her with words and decided to keep you two a secret...that’s when I broke. But regardless of what happened I ended up coming out of whatever it was hurt. And I moved on stronger. I learned that instead of blocking everyone out, I had to let my friends in to help me heal from the damage that was done to my heart. Friend will come and go but the true ones are the ones that will pick you back up and tell you the harsh truth when you need it the most. So thank you for teaching me that.

To the teacher who opened the doors of literature and writing to me, thank you for introducing me to my passion. Thank you for being the first person to believe in me and seeing potential in my writing. I’ve always loved reading and writing but never really took it seriously until I’ve had the chance to have you as a teacher. For the three years that you were my English teacher, I’ve grown a lot as a writer. Don’t get me wrong, you’re class was hell sometimes because I just couldn’t get some concepts to stick to my brain, but if I had the chance to have you as a teacher once again, I’d take in a heartbeat. Because of you, I’m majoring in English and I have so many goals I want to accomplish. And I hope when I’m professor, teaching English literature and writing, my students will look up to me in the way that I looked up to you. Thank you for not only that, but for being there. When things got tough for me and I didn’t really know who to turn to, I was able to talk to you because you gave it as it was and wasn’t afraid to tell me the truth as you saw it. Whenever I started slacking off, you made sure to put me back in my place and get me working again. I was blessed to have a teacher like you.

To that one cousin, who I love to death, thank you for being in my life since we were tiny little babies. We have had one hell of a ride so far. We went months without talking to each other at one point because we were so mad at each other for the tiniest of things. We were so stupid when I look back at it now. And I know you’re a bit mad at me for intervening in your life, but just remember, what I did was because I truly want you to be the best version of you. I just want what’s best for you and I’m sorry if what I did really hurt you. Regardless of all the shit we say to each other, I love you to death and I want to see you succeed. I want you to see the person I see you as: a beautiful, smart young woman. Never lose hope. Never lose faith. Never doubt yourself. Never give up.

To one of newest and closest friends, thank you. You have seen me have a complete mental breakdown and you sat by my side the whole entire time. You literally cleaned me up afterwards. I have not cried like that ages. I have never let my emotions get to me that way in so long. I haven’t broken down and completely let my walls crumble down like that for years. And I’m really glad you were the one that was there when it happened. You have become my fastest friend and I’m so thankful to have you in my life. Please do remember that whenever you need to turn to someone, you can count on me.

To my family, I hate that our relationship is so strained and I have pushed you all away. I’m sorry that I’m too scared to be myself around you, too scared to let you in. But I’m thankful to have parents and siblings like you all. Most of my friends, don’t understand why I’d never leave you all, even though you all don’t accept me for who I truly am, but you’re my family and you all are going to be the only ones who stay with me to the very end. And for that, my heart belongs to you forever.

There are so many people in my life that I’m thankful for, way too many for me to mention them all by name. From the people I met in elementary school, to the people I met this very semester of college, from classmates to professors/teachers, and everything in between, I’m thankful for everyone that has stepped into my life. They all have taught me something that will stick with me forever and they all have touched my heart in some way. And I cannot thank them enough for everything they have done for me, even the ones who left me behind or hurt me.